Sore throat, headache, runny nose, stuffed nose, muscle aches, you name it, I got it. I hate being sick. Guess it was my time now, I’ve been around people who either have been or were going to be sick. Was only a matter of time before I got my turn.
Mentally I am doing a bit better,I’m not good, but I am not as depressed as this post. The last couple of weeks I have slowly been realizing that everything that happened in my childhood was not my fault. I am absolutely not there yet; common sense knows it, but the feelings aren’t able to update that.
Published on
January 21, 2009 in
Random.
So, I just bought Grand Theft Auto IV. Installing is taking forever, not to mention I have to register for two accounts to play live.
Oh, yeah, and one of them keeps giving me an error while I filled in everything.
Doh
Edit 1: And you also have to install other things. Jeez
Edit 2: And after all the jerking around it won’t even play. RockStar you suck for making the game semi exclusive, what about the people who can’t afford to buy every new item to run the damn game.
Published on
January 20, 2009 in
Random.
I totally just got the “If You Seek Amy” song mishap. Hilarious.
Published on
January 18, 2009 in
Random.
Well I just had the most interesting busride in quite a while. On my way home four girls entered the bus, all made up and wearing hootchie clothing. The second they sat down in their seats, talk about sex started. These girls were not a day over 13 and they were talking about whom had the best sex so far.
Kids these days grow up way to fast, and I’m betting that the guys they were with were much older then they were. What is wrong with the world today. Kids that age shouldn’t be worried about whom had the best sex.
And on top of that one of the girls, the one that was talking the most, had the most annoying voice ever. Think Janice from Friends, but slightly less nasal, a little more high pitched and way more annoying.
I thought I’d put up a new topic for Sundays; the brothers Binkie and Bello. I wrote about them before, but thought I’d give it an every Sunday run, I know some people have been asking for more information on them.
Currently the boys are having a little family feud. Binkies hormones have started going off earlier then expected and he has been chasing and biting Bello ever since, which means I had to seperate the two. I bought another, smaller, cage.
As you can see I stil kept the cages close to each other. The one that is the busiest during the day will go in the bigger blue cage at night because it’ll be the quiter one and of course the quiet one will have the run of the place.
As soon as I get the money together, both of them will be castrated and after their healing period I will get them reacquainted and hopefully Binkie will be a lot nicer to Bello then he is now, and hopefully Bello will stay as nice as he is now and not so afraid of Binkie.
* Warning: this may be a very long, sometimes incoherent, post
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I fucking hate myself. I try to pretend I don’t, but pretending doesn’t work its magic like it used to. I don’t know when I started feeling this way, it may have even started before my mother passed away, it certainly did not make it better. I can not remember a day when I was OK. I’ve always thought there was something wrong with me. Not in the physical sense, but more up in the noggin’. And I don’t mean the whole crazy, staring into nothing deal, but more the I’m overly sensitive to everything and everyone and that might be an issue.
After my mother passed the feeling only got worse. Worse to the point where I was willing to give up the little things I had that were worth living for. After nine years I still have that feelings. I still haven’t figured out if there’s something worth living for. Before it was my little bunny Angel, then she passed away and I fell into a dark place again. I figured it was about time I got some real therapy and got myself some help. That was OK for a couple of months, until I felt myself slipping away again.
At that point I needed some life in this place and got two little rabbits, Binkie and Bello. I felt a little better, but that was only because these two fragile little creatures depended on me and therefore I did not have to pay attention to myself. That didn’t take long. Though I still take good care of the boys, I felt myself slipping away again and lost the road to feeling better.
Not until I had the conversation with my therapist had I come out with this. I have not even told the group I’m in, and I’m not quite sure when I’ll be able to do that. I don’t feel completely comfortable to do so, again this is, mostly, the shame talking.
I suppose I have to let it out to the current group I’m in before other people join (there’s only three!) and my walls go up again until I’ve figured out what kind of new people I’m dealing with.
It seems that I may have finally hit that real depression. I haven’t been feeling quite like myself these days and everything seems to go downhill with my feelings. I have just completely lost my way. I had a conversation with my therapist and she (and the team) were surprised on why I still haven’t said what really goes on in my head. To tell the truth, so am I. Usually by now I’ve given my life’s story twice over.
I think mostly it is shame. I’m ashamed of what people might think when I reveal the things that go on in my head. I have contemplated putting them here (since my therapist knows and that barrier is a little bit thinner), but it does not feel right to do so. Perhaps when I get a better hold of things to make sense enough for everyone to get it.
What I would like to know is how other people have dealt with it, besides medication.
My recent adventure into manipulations gave me a tiny spark that I need at the moment and I created a new piece. I have this thing with Angels, man, women or child, and this is my latest.
click to view
Published on
January 9, 2009 in
Random.
(spoilers for Law and Order: SVU)
This little bit of information totally made my day.
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