Binkie and Bella are so adorable. They are so sweet it’ll make your teeth hurt. They’re both already getting quite bold. Binkie is easier with the petting, but they both allow it, and as I am typing this they are both on the desk with me (now they’re still small it is possible) and they are both lounging against my arms.
Here are some more pictures
Bella and Binkie
Binkie
Bella
Well that didn’t take me long! I have the family addition already! Two cute little bunnies. Male and female, brother and sister. (which means the male needs to be fixed).
Of course here are some pictures!
Binkie (left) and Bella
Binkie making sure Bella is O.K
Finally the time has come to get another pet. In the next two weeks I will be getting ready for a new addition (or two) to my little family.
Bunnies!
I am still trying to figure out if I will get one or two. Two is better they say because then they’ll have each other when I am not around, but I had no problems with my other rabbits. We’ll see.
Be prepared for a lot of Bunny pictures in the near future!
It took a while but it seems that I finally have a diagnosis of some of my problems
It was a pretty big pill to swallow when I first heard it, but it explains a lot about my feelings and how I got to this point.
I will also be undergoing some testing to see if I have ADD, which would also explain a lot of my behavior (for instance beind destracted by every little thing or, as explained to me, having hyperfocus where I can concentrate on something and not have anything at all distract me.)
I will update more as I find out more. Currently I am getting in contact with my closest neighbour (my mother’s best friend) and have her meet with me and the psychiatrist.
For the past couple of weeks (nearly a month) I have been dreaming every night and remembering most, if not all, dreams. I wrote about the lion dream some days ago and things seem to go from bad to worse.
A day or so ago I had a dream about Jennifer Jareau (A.J. Cook) from Criminal Minds. In fact, the ENTIRE cast played a role in my dream. We were running after a suspect, a man, that rapes and (literally) slaughtered women.
I even got to see the slaughtering part in every little gory detail. I am not that squeamish when it comes to this sort of thing, but having it in your dreams is a deal I never signed up for.
Somehow we caught up with the suspect and amist all the “get your hands up, don’t move” screaming the suspect got shot. Which was also the end of my dream.
Now, I’m glad we caught the guy, but WHAT THE HELL?! I wish I had someone handy who could explain all these damn dreams to me, because I can’t find what the heck is the meaning behind them. All I know is that there seems to be a lot of chasing going on: Either me BEING chased or me being the the CHASER.
I had a peculiar dream last night. It was some sort of futuristic dream (Cars were FLOATING through the air) and I had two children, a five year old and one that was barely five months. We were in some sort of theme park that mainly consisted of Lions and other big cats, at one point these lions escaped and attacked me and my children. I gouged out a couple of the lion’s eyes, but already a lot of damage was done to me and my children.
I have looked up what this means in various sources and this is what I came up with. Continue reading ‘When lions attack’
I may just have continued the mail contact to hurt myself without putting a blade to my skin.
Well this just broke my heart more then a little. It was the only reason I even watched the show. (Grey’s Anatomy spoilers)
I used to never let my emotions get the best of me, but lately it seems that one emotion, with its various sub emotions, does exactly that. The one emotion I don’t want to have; Anger. If there is one emotion I hate, it is anger. And a little under four to five months ago, I released that anger by cutting myself. Cutting was the release for almost every emotion I had, if I even had them. Most of the times I cut was because I WANTED to FEEL SOMETHING. But when I did feel something I cut again because those wounds I could tend to.
The past couple of weeks things have happened that made the anger overshout every other emotion and the need for cutting came up again. I haven’t so far. The one promise I made myself keep was to stop cutting once I got in therapy and find another release for the anger. Sometimes I write, sometimes I scrap, just to keep my hands busy. I also seem to have a knack for rearranging my livingroom. The thing is, the feeling to cut doesn’t go away. Sometimes I get so pissed that I just want to cut and cut until I can’t no more.
Things get me so pissed. Why is it that I just can’t say goodbye. Why is it that I HAVE to repond. Why is it that I even read the messages? Is it some sort of self loathing, or perhaps is it another way to automutilate, just not have the physical scars? I need to find out why I do this, why I hurt myself so much, every single time. Is it defending myself, defending others?
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