Here is something I thought I’d never say…. I am taking a little time off from the Internet. I have been thinking about this for a week or so and have been trying to write this blog entry for two days now, trying to word everything properly so that everyone understands what is going on and know the reason why I am not online.

The only thing I’ll be doing is check my e-mail and write blog entries when the spirit drives me. Why? I need the rest. I am tired of people questioning my every move and if that is ‘the right thing’ for me. Only two people don’t (A & M) for which I am glad. I do have to apologize for one thing to A, she knows what and why, emotions have just been overflowing at the moment and at the blink of an eye things get misinterpreted by me or by someone I am talking to and I want to avoid those things for now because the last thing I want is friendships breaking.

As for all the others; I need to stop surrounding me with people who only see the negative. Save for the two I mentioned earlier, people have been questioning everything about me. Specifically why I have not been telling them much (which, surprisingly, is a question I have been getting a lot from family members). The simple reason for that is that I am physically and emotionally drained after telling everything in therapy that I do not want to rehash it all over again. This is something people don’t seem to understand.

In fact, a lot of things do not get understand by people. If I tell them something that is the truth on how I react to or feel about certain things, all I hear is ‘Oh but really you shouldn’t’ or ‘Come on it is not that bad!’

It seems that the ‘general population’ seem to think that I am in a backwards spiral yet again. That I can’t face the fight that is going on right now. While the facts are that I have never fought a harder battle then what I am doing right now.

Since the breakdown I have chosen to fight this depression and have not looked back (except in therapy of course). I am fighting with everything I have and I am hanging on with all my might. I am not giving up. I am doing  okay; I am able to pay my bills and rent and all that and still have a little left over every month that goes in a savings account.

I am going to get through this no matter what. I am not giving up the fight. Even if it is my whole life.