The Way The Cookie Crumbles

As a lot of my friends are already aware of, I am a huge horror movie fan. Most horror movies have their own set of rules. Now that Halloween is just around the corner, I thought it would be a good idea to post my Top 25 Horror Movie Rules.

25. (tie) As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
25. (tie) As a general rule, do not wear skimpy clothing, this will almost ALWAYS get you killed.
24. If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you’re pretty much screwed
23. If you sense something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run
22. Never buy your kid a toy that talks back
21. If you are running away from the killer/monster, don’t even try to start the car. It doesn’t matter if the car is brand new, it won’t start
20. Never hide in a closet; the killer WILL find you
Read the rest of this entry »

I found these on Lesbian Without Borders. Absolutely fantastic.

• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

A little while ago, October 15th to be exact, I posted a snippet about not picking up when the Caller ID flashes that big ‘unknown’. I almost went a week without any unknown callers. Three days ago it started again.

1. Someone trying to sell me a lottery subscription, which I kindly declined
2. A woman from a charity asking me if I could spare a day ringing doorbells and asking for money.
3. Someone trying to sell me a lottery subscription again from the same lottery

And caller number 3 was rude too!

Me: No thank you I do not want a subscription to the lottery
Caller: (who pretended not to hear me the first time) I’m sorry?
Me: I said No thank you I do not want a subscription to the lottery
Caller: Okay, Bye (hangs up)
Me: (into thin air) Rude much?

*eye roll* And people still wonder why the hell I do not pick up when the screen flashes unknown.

I was just chatting with a couple of friends when all of a sudden a Yahoo IM from someone popped up asking me if I was interested in a hot sex chat.

I told him I was not interested but thanked him for the offer (always the polite one)

I thought that was the end of it, but I was wrong. He told me it was no problem. Okay…

I asked him if he was male of female. Naturally, he’s male. He then asked me if I was more interested in women. I told him yes.

He then proceeded to tell me that it was incredibly hard to find Dutch people on Yahoo. I told him to just keep looking because there are a lot of Dutch people on Yahoo and to just use the search button on the site.

He thanked me kindly and went on his merry way.

I just stared at the screen

Usually you get a ‘piss off’.

That had to be best reaction to a rejection I have ever gotten.

Your cellphone rings. You take it in your hands and look at the screen. Your Caller ID flashes a big ‘unknown caller’ at you.

What do you do? Do you pick it up or just let it ring?

I choose not to pick up.

The problem with unknown callers is that their number is withheld. You can’t call them back. And in my case; they never leave a voice mail message.

Do you want me to pick up? Don’t withhold your number. Do you want me to call back? Leave a goddamn message with your number.

Sure if it is important they will call you back; but the screen flashes ‘unknown caller’ yet again.

*grumble*